Just Some Chili and Cornbread

*I so wish I would have written this post immediately after the evening, because now, a couple weeks later, I've forgotten some of the exact words that were exchanged and things shared over our meal. But, I think I'm still able to capture the richness of our meal with Patricia. I think I'll ask Jack to wrote a post on this evening too, because he'll have some additional meaningful things to add that I'm perhaps forgetting, in recapturing the evening together with Patricia.

You wouldn't think that a simple bowl of chili and cornbread could be the beginning of a close friendship. But last Sunday evening, we began what I'm sure will be, another dear, unexpected friendship. It all started on Maddie's birthday, back in July. {Check here for the background information - the last 1/2 of this post.} And you can also check yesterday's post, too.

So as I shared yesterday, the plan was simple - share Maddie's birthday cupcakes with some homeless ladies. Visit with them. See where it leads.

Unbeknownst to us, Patricia had arrived at Breakthrough July 14th, just the week before, trying to get things in her life straightened out so she could find housing for she and her two youngest sons.


What a delightful lady. She had the greatest laugh; a belly laugh attached to a beautiful smile. She took to Jackson instantly and spent most of our two hours playing this ball game with him where you throw balls back and forth down this long wooden corridor. Back and forth they sent the balls. Patricia encouraged Jackson to try. She'd help him if the balls got stuck. Such a natural with kids. At one point she said to me, "Oh hunny, I think he has to use it." And as he danced, holding himself, she nailed it. He had to use it!

Subsequent visits to Breakthrough brought us looking for Patricia as we entered the room. She was one that we hoped we would see each time. She loved the kids, practically hollering when she saw them from across the room. Jackson, sometimes shy to warm up to people, would often not give a hug initially, but by the time we left he'd give her big bear hugs and that would melt her heart, leaving her shouting, "Ooohhhh baby, that feels so good!"

Just a few weeks ago, she and I were talking, while she and Jackson put puzzles together, and this is what she shared {the basic gist of the conversation, probably not exactly word-for-word}:

Patricia: "You know, since meeting Jackson, I've been inspired to keep going to my treatment, because I realize that I'm good with kids. And if I'm good with Jackson, then maybe I could be good with my own kids and grandkids. He motivates me to make good choices."

Me {wanting to make sure I heard her correctly}: "So you're saying that Jackson has been a good influence on you, helping you to go to treatment and make the right choices?"

Patricia: "Oh ya, hunny. That's right. That Jackson has really helped me."

And as we piled into the car after our visit, I turned to Jackson {it was just he and I that particular day} and said, "Jackson, did you know that by you giving hugs to Miss Patricia, and playing with her and letting her read to you, that you're making her very, very happy. You're helping her."

And so Jackson, at three, is helping a loving lady, who happens to be homeless, get back on her feet. By hugging. And playing. And smiling. Again, nothing major.

So after that sweet encounter, I got to thinking that it would be great to have Patricia in our home. For her. And, for us. Two worlds colliding. And at the same time, me not knowing, Jack was thinking the same thing. Let's invite some homeless people over for a meal. So I called up and invited she and Teresa to come over for dinner and a visit. Unfortunately, Teresa had other plans that night, but Patricia said yes. She just kept saying, "Oh, Alyse, that is just great. I'd love to. Ohhhh. That's nice." {She calls me Alyse and I love it.}

And so last Sunday arrived and I picked up Patricia at the shelter. The minute we got into the car she said, "I got the butterflies, Alyse."

Me: "You're nervous, Patricia?" {This sort of shocked me because she's always so friendly and seemed so at ease with us so I couldn't imagine what she was nervous about.}

Patricia: "Ya, I got the butterflies. I've never been to a home before."

Me: "You've never been to a house?"

Patricia: "Well, I've never been to a home .... .long pause. .... of a person of .... .long pause. .... another .... .very long pause. .... nationality.
{She sighed heavily after she got that sentence out.}

Me: "So you've never been to a white person's house?"

Patricia burst into fits of laughter, which made me laugh out loud, too. She just kept shaking her head, saying, "You're right, Alyse. You're right. I never been to a white person's house."

Come to find out, she stayed up late into the night, asking her other homeless friends what it would be like to come to our house. She asked what she should talk about. Where she should sit. What we might eat. What we might do. She was SO nervous.

And here's the completely hilarious thing. So she and I get to our house and the kids give her huge welcome hugs, and Jack greets her and she instantly says to him, "I have the butterflies, Jack." And Jack says, "Why?" And she says the same thing to him that she shared with me in the car. And he, not having talked to me, says the EXACT SAME THING I DID .... "You've never been to a white person's house?" And then we ALL died laughing. Very funny moment.


The evening was spent hanging out. Nothing major. We did our best to help Patricia just feel like part of the family. At one point in November, she made the comment that she and the other ladies would love to do some cooking, because as she said, "It's just good for us to know that we still have some skills, even though we don't have our own place."

With that in mind, I thought I'd have her help me make supper. So she, Maddie and I stirred and mixed and dumped ingredients into the bowl and had a great time, just cooking together. Again, nothing major, just being together.

Over our simple meal we learned more of her story. She is one amazing lady. Her life has been hard. Really hard. In fact, I can't imagine what she's been through. Yet she has incredible insight, is able to read people like I really haven't seen before, and she really loves the Lord. HE has RADICALLY changed her life. She's learning and really trying to make the right choices. She has made a 180 degree turn from one year ago. She is running to God to help her out of the pit and onto His solid ground.

She is courageous, fighting her addictions head-on. {And that has been an inspiration to me to get back on track with my over-eating issues. I mean, if she can say no to the things she has to say no to, why can't I say no to chocolate and bread and all those things that have taken hold of me? More on this later.}

We spent some time praying together and she prayed out loud for the first time ever. Jack asked if she would pray for us, that we would be good parents and have wisdom in knowing how to raise our children. At first she said, "Oh no, I can't pray out loud. I'll pray inside but not out loud." But with gentle prodding, we were able to convince her to at least try. And with courage, she began praying out loud and you would never know it was a first. She talked to God just like He wants us to talk to Him. Just like we're talking to each other. It was beautiful. Made me cry. A highlight of our evening for sure.

After praying and crying together, she promptly said, "All right now. Enough of that." And she popped up and insisted on helping with the dishes. We laughed as the reality is, none of us like to cry. But it feels good to get it out.

So she wanted to do the dishes, but there was a part of me that knew it was getting late and I still had to drive her 1/2 hour back to the shelter. And there was also part of me that didn't want her to do the dishes because I didn't want her to feel like that was expected of her. Yet I knew that it would go miles in helping her feel at home and welcome in our home, by just pitching in and helping. By doing what family does - helping each other.

So she did the dishes. And I kind of stood around, letting her help. And it felt so good. So natural. She was just another friend in my kitchen, doing what friends do. Helping each other.

With the dishes done and coats on, Jack was heading out the back door with our kids and Maryam, to bring her home to Hiyam and I was heading out the front door with Patricia. And as we parted ways, Jackson and Maddie came running to Patricia and gave her HUGE hugs and they each said, without any prompting from Jack or I ... "I love you, Patricia!"

And as we walked down the steps, toward our car, she said with a soft voice and tears in her eyes, "Alyse, you have NO idea how good that feels. They love me. They don't have to love me but they do. It feels so good to be loved."

At one point during our ride home, I said to Patricia, "I just love the joy that you have. Your personality is so full of joy and life." And without skipping a beat she said, "Alyse, this isn't me. This is ALL God. The old me was NOT like this. I had NO joy. I was never like this. This is all God. He made me like this."

Wow. I guess in my mind I just figured that her personality was always fun and happy and outgoing and full of life. And I know that God has worked in her life. For sure. But to realize that His work in her life has meant helping her discover how He originally made her and intended her to be. Full of joy and hope and love. She is now, who He wanted her to be all along. But until she got to the point where she let Him come in and do that radical work, she wasn't the Patricia she was meant to be.

Several times on that ride home she just kept saying that she so needed this night. That she needed to be loved on and hugged. She shared that her family just didn't show affection, so she really didn't realize how much she needed that touch, that show of love.

And so you see, over just a simple act of kindness -- come over to our house for a meal -- we were all touched. I saw the presence of God in a life that, just a few months prior, had been on a path to total destruction. I saw the power of just simply being a friend. Could she use money? Sure. Could we help with tangible skills? Yep. But really, what most people need is love.

And so we continue on down this path of loving God and loving people. And the more steps we take down this path, the easier it is to take the next step. It's exciting. And rewarding. And fulfilling. And we just want to be one little family that is intentionally stepping in the direction of loving other people.

Nothing earth-shattering. Nothing major.

Just a bowl of chili and some cornbread.

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Emma Made a Difference

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A Journey Toward The Homeless