Looking Back on 2009...
Last year's goals. Before pulling them up tonight {because I had somewhat forgotten what all I put down} I felt 100% for SURE that I hadn't met any of them. In fact, so much so that I was going to just put that last year I didn't meet any of my goals ... and this year, my only goal was going to be to lose weight!
Over the past, I'd say, 6 weeks or so, I have felt like a failure. Gained weight. Grumpy, mean-spirited, impatient mommy. Those were the two main categories of feeling like a failure, but they happen to be the two most time-consuming factors of my life so when that's the case I begin to lump everything into the 'failure' category. Lines too blurred to be able to separate failure from success. My thinking begins to look something like this: "Well, if I can't get a handle on my eating, what AM I able to get a handle on?" Or, "If I say I love my children as much as I do, and yet I'm so impatient with them, what is my problem?" I think I've just been in a state of general discouragement.
But then I got brave and pulled up last year's post for 2009 and what my goals would be ... You can check it out here if you want the full version. Otherwise, here are the cliff notes for Jack and those that like 'cut-to-the-quick' and then how I did on them ... My new beginnings post.
Okay, last year I said I was going to ....
1. Call Great-Aunt-Lessie more often. I did call her more often. Still could do more but big improvement this year.
2. Volunteer more at Feed My Starving Children. Did one this summer. And then got into Breakthrough Urban Ministries (homeless) and felt that was were God was tugging at my heart.
3. More patience with Maddie. Hmmmm. This might be on the list every year from now until 2021, when she heads off to college.
4. Intentional alone time with Maddie. Didn't do great at this. Definitely room for improvement.
5. Consistent creativity. Definitely did a lot of creative stuff this past year. For sure once a week, probably more than that if I were to average out the times I worked every night on projects. Thoroughly fulfilling. LOVE this part of life.
6. Gym. Did well through last winter, spring and early summer. Then struggled this fall to take care of myself in this area. But tomorrow {literally} the self-discipline begins. Hard-core. More on this to come.
7. Bible Reading. Did well at this. Not stellar, but certainly made it a priority and will continue to do so. Beginning tomorrow I"m going to set the alarm for 6:30am, and am attempting to do that Bible reading right off the bat.
8. 40x40 weight loss. Didn't happen. Feel like a total failure in this area of my life. Gained weight actually. Lacked hope and will-power and discipline. Gave up and gave in to the temptation of all food that wasn't good for me. As mentioned above, more on this later.
9. Room makeover. Definitely made some room makeovers thanks to mom and my two aunts' visit to Chicago in September. Didn't get the guest/craft room done, but maybe this year? One can only dream.
10. Furniture painting. Didn't do it. Wanted to. Not enough hours in the day. Hope to this year.
So, I guess maybe 50/50 on some of this stuff. Did some. Didn't do some. Wish I would have done better.
And then there's my "word of the year" ...Every year I pick a word for the year - a focus for the year, and last year my word was "follow through" ... {Check here for the full post on why that word}
I have to say that as I re-read my words from the post last January 9th, I started to cry because I totally DID follow through with what God wanted me to do ... This is one of the little paragraphs I wrote within that post:
Along with starving children, God has very specifically placed homelessness on my heart. It's always been on my heart and for years Jack and I have financially supported Breakthru Urban Ministries, a ministry specific to homeless men and women here in Chicago. Yet somehow, this past year, I found myself being asked by God to do something more to help. What that more is, I'm not sure ... Something to FOLLOW THROUGH on.A STRONG something {The Holy Spirit} inside of me has said for a LONG time, "Make a difference." Put feet to your faith, Alysa. Be a voice for those who have no voice. I'm back to James 1:27: "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." {James 1:27} Don't just talk about it. DO IT. I still feel God consistently pricking my heart, asking me what I'm going to do about those things that HE placed on my heart.So, I'm excited to watch and see God working this year. Teaching me to FOLLOW THROUGH on HIS plans for my life. Not mine.
I already have my 2010 word picked out ... one that God has been putting on my heart for the last several weeks, yet I didn't realize it was the word until just this morning in church. That's a post for tomorrow, alongside my goals for 2010 post, coming Tuesday to viewers like you!
Overall, 2010 couldn't come quick enough. The first half of the year was fine and fun and actually fantastic. Got to go to Texas to see Lenny and his family. Turned 40 and had about 40 different birthday celebrations, including a huge surprise party! Just lots of great things.
And that's important and meaningful.
But then September, October and November hit many close friends with tragedies and sadness and hurts and wounds and struggles like I've never really seen on such a personal level. And as I've expressed before, while I've seen God's miraculous hand at work, and while I've seen growth and His tangible expressions of love, quite frankly, I just want John to be back. For Kim and the kids. For his closest friends. For his family. For Jack. For all of us that knew him and loved him and are still struggling to make sense of such a tragic ending to such an amazing life. And I also just want healing and hope for other friends and what they're going through.
And so, tonight, as I wrap up 2009 I just have to say thanks to my God for carrying me through another year, where I could run into His arms during tragedy. {I absolutely cannot imagine not having His arms to run to in tragedy.} Where I could run to His word for comfort and wisdom. Where I could run to Him with grateful hearts for all the fun memories made this year. And where I can run to Him with my hopes and dreams - and fears - for this coming year.
I have to cling to the fact that while there has never been a promise that our lives on earth would be easy, God does promise that whatever comes our way, HE is with us. Even if we don't think we feel Him. Even if He seems distant. He IS Emmanuel - God WITH us. I have to cling to that. Have to.
I've felt Him this year. In a lot of different ways. Powerful ways, actually. My prayer is that as 2009 fades into our memory, that 2010 will be the year where we came face-to-face with God Almighty. That He would do radical work in our lives. That He would show up when we most desperately need Him. That His HOPE would sustain us. That His strengthening arm would heal us.
Hebrews 12:1-2 ...
"Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us FIX OUR EYES ON JESUS... consider him who endured such opposition for sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
Over the past, I'd say, 6 weeks or so, I have felt like a failure. Gained weight. Grumpy, mean-spirited, impatient mommy. Those were the two main categories of feeling like a failure, but they happen to be the two most time-consuming factors of my life so when that's the case I begin to lump everything into the 'failure' category. Lines too blurred to be able to separate failure from success. My thinking begins to look something like this: "Well, if I can't get a handle on my eating, what AM I able to get a handle on?" Or, "If I say I love my children as much as I do, and yet I'm so impatient with them, what is my problem?" I think I've just been in a state of general discouragement.
But then I got brave and pulled up last year's post for 2009 and what my goals would be ... You can check it out here if you want the full version. Otherwise, here are the cliff notes for Jack and those that like 'cut-to-the-quick' and then how I did on them ... My new beginnings post.
Okay, last year I said I was going to ....
1. Call Great-Aunt-Lessie more often. I did call her more often. Still could do more but big improvement this year.
2. Volunteer more at Feed My Starving Children. Did one this summer. And then got into Breakthrough Urban Ministries (homeless) and felt that was were God was tugging at my heart.
3. More patience with Maddie. Hmmmm. This might be on the list every year from now until 2021, when she heads off to college.
4. Intentional alone time with Maddie. Didn't do great at this. Definitely room for improvement.
5. Consistent creativity. Definitely did a lot of creative stuff this past year. For sure once a week, probably more than that if I were to average out the times I worked every night on projects. Thoroughly fulfilling. LOVE this part of life.
6. Gym. Did well through last winter, spring and early summer. Then struggled this fall to take care of myself in this area. But tomorrow {literally} the self-discipline begins. Hard-core. More on this to come.
7. Bible Reading. Did well at this. Not stellar, but certainly made it a priority and will continue to do so. Beginning tomorrow I"m going to set the alarm for 6:30am, and am attempting to do that Bible reading right off the bat.
8. 40x40 weight loss. Didn't happen. Feel like a total failure in this area of my life. Gained weight actually. Lacked hope and will-power and discipline. Gave up and gave in to the temptation of all food that wasn't good for me. As mentioned above, more on this later.
9. Room makeover. Definitely made some room makeovers thanks to mom and my two aunts' visit to Chicago in September. Didn't get the guest/craft room done, but maybe this year? One can only dream.
10. Furniture painting. Didn't do it. Wanted to. Not enough hours in the day. Hope to this year.
So, I guess maybe 50/50 on some of this stuff. Did some. Didn't do some. Wish I would have done better.
And then there's my "word of the year" ...Every year I pick a word for the year - a focus for the year, and last year my word was "follow through" ... {Check here for the full post on why that word}
I have to say that as I re-read my words from the post last January 9th, I started to cry because I totally DID follow through with what God wanted me to do ... This is one of the little paragraphs I wrote within that post:
Along with starving children, God has very specifically placed homelessness on my heart. It's always been on my heart and for years Jack and I have financially supported Breakthru Urban Ministries, a ministry specific to homeless men and women here in Chicago. Yet somehow, this past year, I found myself being asked by God to do something more to help. What that more is, I'm not sure ... Something to FOLLOW THROUGH on.A STRONG something {The Holy Spirit} inside of me has said for a LONG time, "Make a difference." Put feet to your faith, Alysa. Be a voice for those who have no voice. I'm back to James 1:27: "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." {James 1:27} Don't just talk about it. DO IT. I still feel God consistently pricking my heart, asking me what I'm going to do about those things that HE placed on my heart.So, I'm excited to watch and see God working this year. Teaching me to FOLLOW THROUGH on HIS plans for my life. Not mine.
I already have my 2010 word picked out ... one that God has been putting on my heart for the last several weeks, yet I didn't realize it was the word until just this morning in church. That's a post for tomorrow, alongside my goals for 2010 post, coming Tuesday to viewers like you!
Overall, 2010 couldn't come quick enough. The first half of the year was fine and fun and actually fantastic. Got to go to Texas to see Lenny and his family. Turned 40 and had about 40 different birthday celebrations, including a huge surprise party! Just lots of great things.
And that's important and meaningful.
But then September, October and November hit many close friends with tragedies and sadness and hurts and wounds and struggles like I've never really seen on such a personal level. And as I've expressed before, while I've seen God's miraculous hand at work, and while I've seen growth and His tangible expressions of love, quite frankly, I just want John to be back. For Kim and the kids. For his closest friends. For his family. For Jack. For all of us that knew him and loved him and are still struggling to make sense of such a tragic ending to such an amazing life. And I also just want healing and hope for other friends and what they're going through.
And so, tonight, as I wrap up 2009 I just have to say thanks to my God for carrying me through another year, where I could run into His arms during tragedy. {I absolutely cannot imagine not having His arms to run to in tragedy.} Where I could run to His word for comfort and wisdom. Where I could run to Him with grateful hearts for all the fun memories made this year. And where I can run to Him with my hopes and dreams - and fears - for this coming year.
I have to cling to the fact that while there has never been a promise that our lives on earth would be easy, God does promise that whatever comes our way, HE is with us. Even if we don't think we feel Him. Even if He seems distant. He IS Emmanuel - God WITH us. I have to cling to that. Have to.
I've felt Him this year. In a lot of different ways. Powerful ways, actually. My prayer is that as 2009 fades into our memory, that 2010 will be the year where we came face-to-face with God Almighty. That He would do radical work in our lives. That He would show up when we most desperately need Him. That His HOPE would sustain us. That His strengthening arm would heal us.
Hebrews 12:1-2 ...
"Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us FIX OUR EYES ON JESUS... consider him who endured such opposition for sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."