Savoring Mommy Moments | On Mommy-Hood

*Written the week before Mother's Day ...

Had an exceptional weekend in the 'mommy' department. 

My heart has been longing to be more intentional 

at tucking away the moments as they unfold.

Taking mental snapshots.

Yesterday was a day with Maddie.

She came along to her first ever bridal shower

and I was so proud being with her.

She's polite and sweet and did a great job at conversation with people,

both those she knows and those she doesn't.

 It was just one of those moments when you think to yourself,

"Hmmm, perhaps some day, should Mr. Right come along,

she might choose to get married and I might be sitting in Martha's seat,

and Maddie might be sitting up front, opening gifts from her

friends and family."

 Several times Bekah looked over at Martha and gave different looks --

and at one point I said, "What was that look for?"

And Martha, without skipping a beat whispered back at me,

"She was wondering if the gift was from me and I said yes." 

Beautiful really.

Unspoken communication.

Deep love.

Beautiful connection on a heart level.

And that's the cry of my heart - that Maddie and I will share

that deep level of connection.

 And I think when something is the cry of your heart,

it can also be a fear, too -- the what ifs?

What if Maddie and I don't connect like I do with my mother?
What if I screw this mothering thing up and ruin her for life?

What if Maddie doesn't feel deep love from me?

Isn't it bizarre how deep love can produce fear at that level.

I don't sit in that fear, though -- but if I'm being honest,

those thoughts flit through my mind from time-to-time.

This parenting thing is a MASSIVE responsibility.

Like, if I get this wrong, 
I screw up two little people for life.

And if I get it right, 
off they fly into the world full of confidence and hope and joy and love.

And so, being the cup-half-full gal that I am,

I just have to assume I'm not gonna screw them up for life

and that with God's help, and my prayers and my mom and dad's prayers,

and a whole lot of other people pouring into my children,

they'll be fine.

I digress.

After the bridal shower we went to a movie,

which I think I'll post about in a separate post

because I have lots of thoughts about the movie

[Heaven is For Real]

But that was fun to watch together

 and discuss afterwards.

And then it was to Target for baking supplies.

Maddie loves to cook so she hit Pinterest pretty hard Friday 

night and came up with numerous recipes she wanted to try.

And then it was home.

Lovely.

Relaxing.

A beautiful day with my beautiful daughter.

 ---

And then, in church today, Jackson melted my heart.

Right before singing started at church he came up to me,

afraid that he had thought something in his head that God might not like

and he was afraid that he wouldn't get to go to heaven because of it.

And he started to cry. Truly afraid.
So I scooped him up and whispered a prayer over him,
assuring him that God would never do such a thing to him.
That he's heaven-bound some day.

He just needed assurance.
He just needed someone to whisper Truth over him.
 He needed me.
In that moment.
What a privilege to be needed to comfort and assure and offer hope.

He snuggled in the rest of the service.

Rubbing my arm, like back and forth rubbing, 
as if to assure me that all was well
and everything would be A-okay.
He was just lovin' on me.

Put his arm around my shoulders at one point.

During singing he had me in a full-on hug,

just singing away.

He'd look up at me from time-to-time and just smile at me.

I took the mental snapshot on that hour.

Wanted to freeze time.

Mother's Day is one of my favorite days of the year,
I think because I'm uber intentional about the incredible
privilege it is to be given that name.
Mom. Mommy.

Mommy-hood. 
A gift never taken for granted.

Maddie and Jackson,
you make my heart SING.
I get to celebrate Mother's Day today because of the two of you.

And while the occasional day comes along
 where I want to rip my hair out because of your incessant arguing with one another
-- if I'm being completely honest --
You fill my days with laughter. You really, really do.
Your hugs and smiles and teases and I love yous melt my heart.

 All my love, Maddie and Jackson.
All my love.