My One-Year Experiment. || Part 1
*Absolutely no rhyme or reason to the photos in this post. I just know that people aren't gonna read a long post unless pretty pictures pull them in.
So.
So.
I'm doing it.
And it's not going to be easy.
I got myself into this mess.
It wasn't Coco's fault. I promise.
It wasn't Coco's fault. I promise.
as in Super Tuesday,
as in TODAY,
I'm tackling my addiction.
So, with God's help and a bunch of friends who have signed on for the next year,
[ March 1, 2016 - March 1, 2017]
it's time.
Addiction.
Yes. I said addiction.
Addiction.
Yes. I said addiction.
Embarrassing to write.
Pathetic really.
Pathetic really.
But boy howdy it feels good to just say,
"You know what?
"You know what?
I suck at healthy eating.
I simply cannot get a handle on over-eating."
I simply cannot get a handle on over-eating."
And I keep running to food for, well, everything.
I crave food and I waste countless hours wondering
what the next yummy treat is gonna be.
I eat whenever I want, just, well, because I want to.
I've gained weight. Lots.
For a long time I've blamed it on my back isuses.
And I do have significant back issues.
I promise you that diabetes is in my future as are heart issues
if I don't re-route the current trajectory I find myself on.
I'd be a fool to not see the long-term affects of over-eating
and packing on lots of extra weight.
Let's be real.
I don't feel good about myself. At all. Ever.
I feel fat and ugly and sore and puffy and sluggish and on and on.
[ And this isn't a secret plea for people to say nice things about me - I know I'm beautiful, blatty blah blah. Please don't reach out to say, 'But you're so pretty.' Please don't.]
I'm what they call an 'emotional' eater, and interestingly enough,
I love to eat when I'm bored and also when I'm happy.
I'm sure deep down I eat the odd time when I'm sad, but honestly,
I really do eat mostly out of celebration and boredom.
what the next yummy treat is gonna be.
I eat whenever I want, just, well, because I want to.
I've gained weight. Lots.
For a long time I've blamed it on my back isuses.
And I do have significant back issues.
I promise you that diabetes is in my future as are heart issues
if I don't re-route the current trajectory I find myself on.
I'd be a fool to not see the long-term affects of over-eating
and packing on lots of extra weight.
Let's be real.
I feel fat and ugly and sore and puffy and sluggish and on and on.
[ And this isn't a secret plea for people to say nice things about me - I know I'm beautiful, blatty blah blah. Please don't reach out to say, 'But you're so pretty.' Please don't.]
I'm what they call an 'emotional' eater, and interestingly enough,
I love to eat when I'm bored and also when I'm happy.
I'm sure deep down I eat the odd time when I'm sad, but honestly,
I really do eat mostly out of celebration and boredom.
I obsess.
It has a hold.
A stronghold.
I think so often the whole 'over-eating/gluttony' thing gets
swept under the rug and isn't called what it is.
An addiction.
A sin, for those of us that call ourselves Christ-followers.
Over-eating isn't slapped with the addiction label, because,
well, that would be admitting we might struggle like the next guy.
We might not have it all together.
It's the excusable sin for Christians.
Which really is pathetic if you ask me.
So, for me, I'm gonna call it sin.
It just is.
This isn't just about having a slower metabolism because I'm 46+ years old.
Yes, I do have a slower metabolism.
However.
This is about me shoveling food into my mouth.
I don't just have an extra cookie once a week.
It's like I love scooping mass quantities of goodness into my body
because I just simply can't say no.
because I just simply can't say no.
I must have it.
And now.
I deserve it.
I earned it.
It's only fair.
And now.
I deserve it.
I earned it.
It's only fair.
He gently whispered to me that it was time.
And that with His help, we could get this extra weight off.
And we could find moderation.
And balance.
And health.
And hope.
AND FREEDOM.
I've been absolutely 100% completely STUCK.
No hope. Paralyzed.
Not even knowing where to start,
as it all seemed
so unbelievably overwhelming.
I've been living the downward spiral thing.
Because you see,
I've wanted victory in this area of my life forever.
FOREVER.
All-caps. Bold. Forever. And ever amen.
I've prayed about it.
And dreamed about it.
And worked hard at it.
But it's been elusive.
Up until now.
Every so often I get uber-motivated to get at it.
And I do great for about 3 months and then I tank.
As in, fall-off-the-wagon-drop-dead-drunk-on-food.
And then I feel guilty.
And then I feel overwhelmed.
And then I feel like a failure.
And then I feel like I let myself down and my husband down and everyone else, too.
And then I say, "SCREW IT."
This is too hard.
Hit repeat.
A million times.
And then.
THEN, shame knocks at my door.
She slinks in the back door and saddles herself on me
like a really tight shirt.
So much shame.
And shame, she's an ugly thing to wear, right?
She feels awful really.
She feels hopeless.
And she makes me think,
'Why bother? Just pass the donuts
and be done with this ridiculous notion
that things might be different this time.
Your pattern is failure, hunny!"
This road has been so long and so dark and so shame-filled.
I catch myself thinking things like,
"What is wrong with me that I can't just do what I KNOW I should do.
Hello St. Paul. I understand you!
Eat right. Exercise. Do all in moderation."
My head
knows all the things I need to do to have great,
sustainable victory in this area of my life,
but the reality is,
I just never EVER have success for long.
Which has made me not even want to try anymore.
This isn't a matter of sticking my head in the sand
and not realizing I have a problem.
I 100% know - and have known since my 20s -
that I have a SIGNIFICANT problem with food being an idol in my life.
I just have never broken through the barrier from
short-term success to long-term victory.
And so, it's time to get at it.
To break through the barrier of failure.
I've hired a personal coach -- or shall I say -- I've asked a friend to play the 'coach/personal trainer' role and she said yes!
I've gathered a team of prayer warriors
that are gonna be persistent in praying me through this battle.
I'm claiming Romans 6 as my chapter this year.
Go read it.
It's perfect for this journey.
I'm going at this for one whole year.
365 days baby.
Oh boy.
One month at a time.
One day a a time really.
No, actually, one meal at a time.
I've got certain weight loss strategies in place that really boil down to moderation,
portion control, completely cutting out gluten and
mostly cutting out dairy and limiting sugar.
Bye-bye processed food.
Hello clean eating.
I'm pretty confident that if I stick with this plan for a year,
it might stick for a life-time.
Why you ask?
Well, just a few years ago I was SO addicted to Diet Coke.
And I ended up giving it up for 3 months.
And then another 3 months.
And then before long, I just thought, "Heck, I'm all done with it."
And so, several years later, I haven't had a sip.
Not even one.
This is nothing short of MIRACULOUS people.
I kid you not.
Miracle.
And really, other than when I eat Lou Malnatti's pizza,
I don't even miss it.
And even then, the pull isn't strong.
I just have this sentimental longing somewhere deep within that whispers,
"Oh how a glass of DC would pair so nicely with this pie."
The stronghold is gone.
And I believe the key - for me - was to give it up in smaller chunks.
SO, if I can give up DC, I really do have hope that I can get on track
with healthy eating and fitness.
I wanna be strong and healthy with no shame and failure attached to food.
Day 1 is in the books.
And balance.
And health.
And hope.
AND FREEDOM.
I've been absolutely 100% completely STUCK.
No hope. Paralyzed.
Not even knowing where to start,
as it all seemed
so unbelievably overwhelming.
I've been living the downward spiral thing.
Because you see,
I've wanted victory in this area of my life forever.
FOREVER.
All-caps. Bold. Forever. And ever amen.
I've prayed about it.
And dreamed about it.
And worked hard at it.
But it's been elusive.
Up until now.
Every so often I get uber-motivated to get at it.
And I do great for about 3 months and then I tank.
As in, fall-off-the-wagon-drop-dead-drunk-on-food.
And then I feel guilty.
And then I feel overwhelmed.
And then I feel like a failure.
And then I feel like I let myself down and my husband down and everyone else, too.
And then I say, "SCREW IT."
This is too hard.
Hit repeat.
A million times.
And then.
THEN, shame knocks at my door.
She slinks in the back door and saddles herself on me
like a really tight shirt.
So much shame.
And shame, she's an ugly thing to wear, right?
She feels awful really.
She feels hopeless.
And she makes me think,
'Why bother? Just pass the donuts
and be done with this ridiculous notion
that things might be different this time.
Your pattern is failure, hunny!"
This road has been so long and so dark and so shame-filled.
I catch myself thinking things like,
"What is wrong with me that I can't just do what I KNOW I should do.
Hello St. Paul. I understand you!
Eat right. Exercise. Do all in moderation."
sustainable victory in this area of my life,
but the reality is,
I just never EVER have success for long.
Which has made me not even want to try anymore.
This isn't a matter of sticking my head in the sand
and not realizing I have a problem.
I 100% know - and have known since my 20s -
that I have a SIGNIFICANT problem with food being an idol in my life.
I just have never broken through the barrier from
short-term success to long-term victory.
And so, it's time to get at it.
To break through the barrier of failure.
I've hired a personal coach -- or shall I say -- I've asked a friend to play the 'coach/personal trainer' role and she said yes!
I've gathered a team of prayer warriors
that are gonna be persistent in praying me through this battle.
I'm claiming Romans 6 as my chapter this year.
Go read it.
It's perfect for this journey.
I'm going at this for one whole year.
365 days baby.
Oh boy.
One month at a time.
One day a a time really.
No, actually, one meal at a time.
I've got certain weight loss strategies in place that really boil down to moderation,
portion control, completely cutting out gluten and
mostly cutting out dairy and limiting sugar.
Bye-bye processed food.
Hello clean eating.
I'm pretty confident that if I stick with this plan for a year,
it might stick for a life-time.
Why you ask?
Well, just a few years ago I was SO addicted to Diet Coke.
And I ended up giving it up for 3 months.
And then another 3 months.
And then before long, I just thought, "Heck, I'm all done with it."
And so, several years later, I haven't had a sip.
Not even one.
This is nothing short of MIRACULOUS people.
I kid you not.
Miracle.
I don't even miss it.
And even then, the pull isn't strong.
I just have this sentimental longing somewhere deep within that whispers,
"Oh how a glass of DC would pair so nicely with this pie."
The stronghold is gone.
And I believe the key - for me - was to give it up in smaller chunks.
SO, if I can give up DC, I really do have hope that I can get on track
with healthy eating and fitness.
I wanna be strong and healthy with no shame and failure attached to food.
Day 1 is in the books.
Victory.
Only 364 to go.