The New Year | A New Word

I used to be ‘one of those.’

You know the ones.

Brand new planner.

Shiny new Sharpie.

Purpose statement.

Mission statement.

Vision statement.
All the statements.

List of goals for the year.

And sub-goals for all the categories.

EVERY.LAST.ONE.OF.THE.CATEGORIES.

Every moment of every day structured and on task.

I was ON IT.

This was going to be the year.

I was going to

lose all the weight,

clean all the house,

serve all the people,

make all the casseroles,

save all the money,

dream all the dreams,

do all the stuff.

And then,

around, 

oh, 

let’s say

February 3rd on any given year

I would fail.

Miserably.

I didn’t lose all the weight,

or clean all the house

or serve all the people

or make all the casseroles

or save all the money

or dream all the dreams

or do all the stuff.

Next year?

Repeat same formula that never worked.

Somewhere along the way,

I hit my forties

and found freedom.

Or rather,

Freedom found me!

The me that God made me to be,

not the version of me that I thought others wanted.

Or the me that I thought I might maybe want to be.

I discovered

freedom from all the rules.

I don’t think anyone ever set out to 

tell me I had to do all the stuff,

I just somehow did it.

I was a yes girl

and I think because I was speedy,

I could juggle a lot of stuff at the same time all the time.

I believed through subtle cultural and strong Christian sub-cultural messages

that in order to be a good woman, mom, wife, friend, church-goer, Christ-follower ….

I had to do it all.

And for the love of Pete,

That’s just an EXHAUSTING way to live.

And then came

Monday, September 29^th

2014.

My sciatica happened.

That pesky nerve laid me literally flat for literally months,

filled me up with heavy prescription meds

and long lonely nights in excruciating pain.

 And somehow,

in that pain,

I met God in a new way.

In a freed up way.

In a way that just made sense.

In the dark of the night

when sleep was elusive and pain was not,

He said,

“Do I have your attention now, Alysa?

Because dog-gone-it

I’ve been trying to get your attention for,

oh, ever,

 and you were just too busy to hear me!”

And in those five months of pain,

I met God in a new, beautiful, good, raw way.

Some of my darkest days, no doubt.

Yet, God spoke words over me

like

“Slow down.

Stop striving.

Be you.

Be.

You are ALREADY FREE.

so live like it!

Be brave.

And creative.

I actually love how I made you so stop trying to fit some 

mold you think you’re supposed to fit.

 Start saying no.

Do the things I have for you to do,

not the things everyone else thinks you should do.

Take care of yourself.

Like, would you PLEASE make time to take care of yourself?

You’re killin’ me up here.

Be present today while dreaming about tomorrow;

I gave you the ability to do both

so dream, little butterfly,

and then chase those dreams.

Okay, so He didn’t call me butterfly,

but I tried on Freedom and it felt

like what I imagine a butterfly feels

 as it flits and swoops and cozies up to the flowers

for a quick pollen snack in the late afternoon sun.

And so,

I believed Him.

And I began the journey toward freedom.

And once you're on that journey,

you can't turn back.

I tried on a ‘Silent Retreat’ in 2016

and was officially addicted.

I heard His Voice

and wanted more.

I tried on “Bible Journaling” about that same time

and that has been one of the most powerful ways I’ve connected with God.

This summer I tried on the Grand Tetons and Yellowstone for size

and my oh my,

God’s creativity was on GRAND display 

in Cascade Canyon.

I’ll never be the same.

It was a taste of heaven.

His creation wrecked me.

True forever beautiful Freedom.

 I tried on this incredible program called ‘Maps’ last year

and it was strong confirmation for the direction I was already headed.

A direction toward freedom.

A direction toward refugees.

A direction toward writing and photographing and story-telling

and the connection point where those passions intersect.

And so I journey on in and toward freedom.

And rather than a lengthy list of goals, sub-goals and statements,

that would no doubt,

hit the garbage can in oh,
about five weeks,

I have my "idea/dream" book

which is just my way of 

chasing after beauty, health, love and growth.

 I’m just gonna do more of what I’m already doing.

I’m gonna chase Freedom

and live in in and soak it up and spill it out.

How’s that for strategy?

I want to write and read more 

because I love those things and they feed my soul,

intentionally pushing me toward growth and beauty.

I want to do a better job at exercising more regularly and eating better food, 

because, well, duh,

I need to grow in those areas.

I want to pursue refugee advocacy,

whatever that might look like,

because that is the passion that God has put deep in my heart and soul.

I’ll share more of that dream with you in the coming months.

I want to love well/better/more.

My family. My friends. My God.

I desperately want to know and love God

more at the end of 2018 than I do today.

And then,

whatever else gets done on top of those few things

is a big fat bonus.

And so,

as 2018 begins unfolding all it has to offer,

I’m excited to pursue Freedom.

Freedom.

My 2018 word.

My life word.

It’s a great big word

with a whole 'lotta potential.

I wonder what God will show me about Freedom?

I wonder where I’ll find freedom?

I wonder where I’ll give freedom?

I wonder.

Freedom.

My new favorite word.

Hello 2018.

Bring.It.ON!