Jack's Perspective on our Evening With Patricia
Alysa asked me to comment on our evening spent with Patricia – the black woman from the shelter who never had been in a white person’s home. I was struck by two powerful observations by our visits with Patricia.People Smarts
There are two kinds of smarts… books smarts (these guys are articulate, start businesses and debate the benefits of phytochemicals in your daily diet) and people smarts. If someone tells you that you have only people smarts – don’t take that as a compliment. That’s ok – I have a lot of dumb friends (and you know who you are!) Perhaps I’m one of em.
I’ve always admired people that can read the situation, can see what’s going on in people. It’s like they have a hidden superpower to see through veneers and masks. (Maybe that’s why I like the character Rocky Balboa – he’s a dumb guy that can read the heart of others and see the good is someone’s broken and harsh exterior.)
Patricia has this superpower. As I sat and listened to her talk from her heart, as she struggled to focus her thoughts, I found that she had incredible insights into life, her circumstances, the heart of people, etc. She was able to see truths and insights that the rest of us skim past in our harried lives. I found myself admiring this uneducated, broken woman. She told me later through tears how good it was to have someone actually listen to her as that almost never happens to her. Too bad – cause she’s got a lot to share.
And then, just when it was getting a little serious – Patricia burst into laughter and noise and filled our house with joy.
It’s safe to say, we liked Patricia immediately.
The Gift of Family
I honestly cannot think of a greater gift to be given to another than the gift of family. I’m not sure why family is so powerful. Perhaps it’s the ideal of family that is so captivating: a place to belong; permanent relationships in which to build into and be built into; security and interdependence. None of us have ever experienced this ideal – but even the taste of it is intoxicating. And the appeal is universal… black, white, asian, Hispanic, male, female, poor, rich... It’s in our human DNA.
Both Alysa and I have been on the giving and receiving end of this. I drifted for several years in my early 20s and “Ef & Mo” (Jeff and Ramona) became my home away from home. I had a key to their house, ate dinner with them 4 times a week, helped them finish their basement, took vacations together and was part of their family. They were an anchor during those years adrift.
While Alysa was living overseas for three years as a single woman, several families came along side her and not just befriended her, but absorbed her into their family. If you’ve never been overseas, away from your “home”, your own family, your own traditions, etc. – you have no idea how hard it is to celebrate Christmas alone; to be without your family on your birthday; to not have a place to belong on a Friday night. She will always be deeply indebted to the Dukes, the Hans, the Stubers, and the Isaacs, who didn't just shared their friendship – but their family. You have no idea the blessing that was.
The gift we hope to give Patricia is the gift of our family. Our family is imperfect… but it’s something she doesn’t have and so desperately longs for. Ask Patricia about her family (she has 6 kids aging 16-36) and she’ll grow quiet… likely from guilt… disappointment… frustration… It’s the possibility of restoration that motivates her to face down her struggles.
You go Patricia! It’s a worthy goal. And you are always part of our family.
Psalm 68:6
"God sets the lonely in families."