Opposites In My Life
As I write this, the thunder is rolling and the rain is falling and I am in LOVE with those sounds. I wish, for a minute, you could experience the tropical downpours of Irian Jaya, Indonesia {now called Papua}. So loud you could barely hear the person you're talking to, across the room. Not joking.
Speaking of joking, as much as I joke about Jackson being a boy of order and no chaos and structure ... and as much as I try to blame that on his father's gene pool, the reality is, he does get a fair bit of that from me.
I find that the older I get, the more I discover glaring opposites in my life. I mean, really, my all-time favorite thing to be is spontaneous. I love spontaneity and I think I would absolutely DIE if I had to do NON-spontaneous all day every day. And yet, here's where the opposite fits in. I LOVE structure and order and routine, too. Almost as much. So how is that possible? I think I'm just a weirdo.
I love staying up until the wee hours of the night/morning. I really do. That's when I'm most creative, and if I've had a good nap during the day, I'm the most productive, too. I can crank through a project like 'snippity snap'. And yet, this past week I experienced the most amazing thing. I was wide awake in the fives. As in 5 o'clock in the morning, people. And I LOVED being up for almost 2 hours before the kids got up. I got a tonne done. I started the day right with the Lord. I was a better person all day long. I didn't get sleepy at 2pm. It was weird. See, I'm a weirdo. How can I like opposites like this?
I love summer. Don't get me wrong. It offers, on this beautiful sunny silver-platter, the ability to play and be free and the delightfulness of throwing caution to the wind. And I really don't want it to end, and yet on the other hand, I'm ready for structure again. {My husband just hated that last sentence. Sorry hubs.} I'm ready to start the school year. I've done an okay job at guiding/parenting/entertaining two kids for 14 hours a day, for the last 2 months, but the reality is, {shhhhh}, I'm ready for them to both be in school, at the same time. I'm tired of getting up and hearing, "So what are we gonna do today, Mom? Where will we go? What will we do?" I'm ready for us to be home. I'm ready to get into routine. I could never, ever, EVER homeschool, even though deep down I probably wish I could. {and hopefully that statement won't come back to bite me in the bottom}. And you know why, because I just need some alone time, every day. Selfish, I know. I secretly wish I was so in love with being needed every second of every day. But I don't like that aspect of parenting. Again, weirdo. I love that my kids need me and it drives me insane that they need me all.the.TIME. I just want to go to the bathroom alone, people. {Wow, this post seems so ungrateful for the wonder of being a mommy. I'm not ungrateful. I think I'm just needing balance for a few days. I feel all out-of-whack.} And it seems like this year, more so than years gone by, I just want the routine that Fall brings.
I'm sure weariness is driving this wish. I'm sure the lack of being at home for 13 nights running has driven this deep desire to stay home. I'm sure that knowing that our second floor has become a disorganized cesspool of stuff is weighing on my little organizing heart. I'm sure that the rain and wind and thunder outside make me want to cozy-up and nest. {No, I'm not pregnant.} I have home projects I want to start and finish. I want to paint. I want to create. I want to photograph and get my photo business up and running. I want to read a good book.
I don't want to talk. I don't want to help. I don't want to talk. I don't want to help. {At least for today, that is.} And so, I just thought I'd throw that out there, as to how I'm doing and feeling and what I'm pondering these days. I feel like my posts on here the last few weeks haven't been all that exciting or deep or whatever, so I thought I'd throw out there a "this is how I'm really feeling" post.
And no worries. I'm sure as the sun comes up, that tomorrow I'll be ready to talk and help and travel and be spontaneous. But for tonight, I'm just gonna sit in this weariness a bit. And enjoy the comforts of my lovely home. And it's nights like tonight where I am truly thankful for my home. A luxury for most of the world. Here I sit, on a comfy couch with my feet up, with a nice lamp beside me and a fan overhead, and a laptop computer with a wireless mouse, and a diet coke and windows with screens to keep the bugs out and two beautiful children sleeping in their cozy bedrooms just a stone's throw away, and a husband who loves me deeply.
Speaking of joking, as much as I joke about Jackson being a boy of order and no chaos and structure ... and as much as I try to blame that on his father's gene pool, the reality is, he does get a fair bit of that from me.
I find that the older I get, the more I discover glaring opposites in my life. I mean, really, my all-time favorite thing to be is spontaneous. I love spontaneity and I think I would absolutely DIE if I had to do NON-spontaneous all day every day. And yet, here's where the opposite fits in. I LOVE structure and order and routine, too. Almost as much. So how is that possible? I think I'm just a weirdo.
I love staying up until the wee hours of the night/morning. I really do. That's when I'm most creative, and if I've had a good nap during the day, I'm the most productive, too. I can crank through a project like 'snippity snap'. And yet, this past week I experienced the most amazing thing. I was wide awake in the fives. As in 5 o'clock in the morning, people. And I LOVED being up for almost 2 hours before the kids got up. I got a tonne done. I started the day right with the Lord. I was a better person all day long. I didn't get sleepy at 2pm. It was weird. See, I'm a weirdo. How can I like opposites like this?
I love summer. Don't get me wrong. It offers, on this beautiful sunny silver-platter, the ability to play and be free and the delightfulness of throwing caution to the wind. And I really don't want it to end, and yet on the other hand, I'm ready for structure again. {My husband just hated that last sentence. Sorry hubs.} I'm ready to start the school year. I've done an okay job at guiding/parenting/entertaining two kids for 14 hours a day, for the last 2 months, but the reality is, {shhhhh}, I'm ready for them to both be in school, at the same time. I'm tired of getting up and hearing, "So what are we gonna do today, Mom? Where will we go? What will we do?" I'm ready for us to be home. I'm ready to get into routine. I could never, ever, EVER homeschool, even though deep down I probably wish I could. {and hopefully that statement won't come back to bite me in the bottom}. And you know why, because I just need some alone time, every day. Selfish, I know. I secretly wish I was so in love with being needed every second of every day. But I don't like that aspect of parenting. Again, weirdo. I love that my kids need me and it drives me insane that they need me all.the.TIME. I just want to go to the bathroom alone, people. {Wow, this post seems so ungrateful for the wonder of being a mommy. I'm not ungrateful. I think I'm just needing balance for a few days. I feel all out-of-whack.} And it seems like this year, more so than years gone by, I just want the routine that Fall brings.
I'm sure weariness is driving this wish. I'm sure the lack of being at home for 13 nights running has driven this deep desire to stay home. I'm sure that knowing that our second floor has become a disorganized cesspool of stuff is weighing on my little organizing heart. I'm sure that the rain and wind and thunder outside make me want to cozy-up and nest. {No, I'm not pregnant.} I have home projects I want to start and finish. I want to paint. I want to create. I want to photograph and get my photo business up and running. I want to read a good book.I don't want to talk. I don't want to help. I don't want to talk. I don't want to help. {At least for today, that is.} And so, I just thought I'd throw that out there, as to how I'm doing and feeling and what I'm pondering these days. I feel like my posts on here the last few weeks haven't been all that exciting or deep or whatever, so I thought I'd throw out there a "this is how I'm really feeling" post.
And no worries. I'm sure as the sun comes up, that tomorrow I'll be ready to talk and help and travel and be spontaneous. But for tonight, I'm just gonna sit in this weariness a bit. And enjoy the comforts of my lovely home. And it's nights like tonight where I am truly thankful for my home. A luxury for most of the world. Here I sit, on a comfy couch with my feet up, with a nice lamp beside me and a fan overhead, and a laptop computer with a wireless mouse, and a diet coke and windows with screens to keep the bugs out and two beautiful children sleeping in their cozy bedrooms just a stone's throw away, and a husband who loves me deeply.
And so the bottom line: I'm craving order and structure and home and alone time. Just a little bit of balance and I'll feel all better. It's the little things in life, isn't it?