On the Upswing

{The "ham"ster of our family ... decided since his shirt was like a zebra, he would find a headband to wear, too. And he insisted upon his photo being taken. And for the record, left the ISO super high so that's why this photo is grainy.}

Friday afternoon I found myself driving down Milwaukee Avenue having an "ah-ha" moment. Replaying a conversation I had just had with my friends Melissa and Julie, I found myself realizing that part of feeling overwhelmed this past week really had nothing to do with the present. Melissa had asked this question: "What things are being asked of you that make you feel like you are being spread so thin?" {or something to that effect} I'm not sure what all I said, but this I remember. I gave her an example of being asked to serve at church in a certain capacity back this spring.

So curious. That request of me was made months ago, {I turned it down} and yet somehow in my mind I'm including it in this weeks' bundle of burdens of feeling overwhelmed. Feeling like I have too much to do. Feeling like I'll never catch up. Feeling like I don't want to do anything for anybody. Feeling like there's not enough me time. Bizarre.

And yet the reality is I think I just let myself get overwhelmed and perhaps it felt good to stay in that place for a few days. To wallow a bit. To maybe give myself an excuse to be lazy.

A couple other factors were in the mix, too. I was physically weary and I had Mr. P to contend with. {Oh how I hate him.} We also had my first Ultimate Frisbee league game and as much as I wanted to do it for Jack and with Jack, I was dreading it. Pride, really. I didn't want to make a fool of myself. I didn't want to embarrass Jack. I didn't want to be the slowest, fattest person out there. I think for all these years my identity has been wrapped up in 'being an athlete' and a good one at that, so maybe I was disappointed in how I've let myself go. I was nervous and I think I let that cloud my entire week. {Side note: I did fine. I wasn't the slowest or the fattest. After the first point out there the nerves were gone. So now I'll look forward to the rest of our season.}

But here's the good news. I'm really not spread thin. Truly, I'm not. I'm actually very intentional about leaving space in my life. Space for self. Space for emergencies. Space for others. We try not to overbook. We eat meals together very regularly. We're not running hither and yon. On purpose. I love living like that. I need to live like that. I think August was opposite of that and perhaps that threw me into a bit of a tizzy.

I think I was just getting ahead of myself, thinking of all the what ifs and that's just no way to live. We did have an unusually busy year last year. And that's okay. It's actually wonderful. God showed up. I saw Him answer prayers all over the place. I truly would not have had it any other way. I really wouldn't.

So, I'm just gonna do the 'one day at at time' drill. That's how I like to live. That's how I try to live. That's me. Looking ahead to the months to come just overwhelmed me last week. So I'm stopping that. Effective immediately. The Lord promises that His mercies are new every morning. It's a daily thing and that's a good thing.

The last couple of days I've been remembering how many times this past year God stepped in and gave strength and wisdom and energy when I was not capable to produce any of those things on my own. And funny enough, just remembering that calmed me down. Because you see, this I know. God delights when we're weak. Because when we're weak, He's strong. {2 Corinthians 12:10}

I'll leave myself {and you, by default} with these two verses. I'll be honest, they have come to mind so many times this past week, in the midst of my weariness. And when that happens, I have to stop and take notice. What is God trying to say to me?

Galatians 6:9 says...
"Let us not become weary in doing good ... Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people ..."

And so my challenge to myself is this: don't get wrapped up in what emergencies or tasks might be coming around the corner. Live obediently today because that's what God asks of me. And then when tomorrow arrives, I'll deal with tomorrow. He asks me to do good. He asks me to leave my burdens with Him. And when I'm weary, this is what He says:

"Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but
those who HOPE in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will SOAR on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
{Isaiah 40:28-31}

I don't know about you, but those few verses sort of 'wow' me. El Roi is the name for God that means "He sees." I was reminded yesterday that He sees my weariness and tiredness and lack of strength. He sees. And His desire is to carry those burdens, if I let Him.

Tomorrow I plan to soar.
With His help.
On His wings.
In His strength.